i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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