drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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