i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
