There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
