I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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