Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
