Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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