She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
