I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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