The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
