When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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