I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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