just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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