420 ftw
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
