dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my phone needs a breathalizer
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
