so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
