Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
