Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
