I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
