Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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