so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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