I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize