That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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