A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
