I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
