Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
