3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
