I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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