how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
