I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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