***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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