Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
