I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
