apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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