More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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