Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
should my penis look like a turkey
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
