I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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