billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
