I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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