you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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