I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
