I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i dont even know how to be here
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
