I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's official drugs can't kill me
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
