Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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