HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Randomize
