I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
