My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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