Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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