Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
