nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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