Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
