Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it's great music for shaving your balls
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
