I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
