If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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