he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
