i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
