i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
