That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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