Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
