and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
