i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
