hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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