i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Are my feet made of real feet?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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