This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
