I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the day after is always just damage control
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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