I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So much Jack, so little girl.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
