the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
