just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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