what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
