What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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