I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
